Chrsitmas decoration carnage

YR children had fun making Christmas decorations today. I hope the cleaners enjoyed the glitter as much as we did!

Fresh as a daisy

Wow, having a break really is a marvellous thing. Isn't it incredible how you start out the holiday a shallow wreck of your former self and can come out the other side a reasonably normal and fairly well balanced individual. As far as rest goes this break really gave me what I needed. I finally managed to catch up with my beloved family and friends (I've even cooked for people) leaving me with the slightly smug feeling that perhaps I am not a socio-path after all. I spent a couple of snowy days down in Cornwall, safely there and back despite travel warnings, which placated my malnourished soul with its wintery, wind swept beauty. I've curled up on the sofa and watched TV with my kids far more than I should have and now I am just about ready to take on the world again.
Inevitably, being me, reflection is the name of the game and looking back on last term, well goodness me, it was a bit of a killer. I don't think I've been quite that tried and tested for a while. It nearly had me but not quite. I am still standing challenging 4 year olds of this world so do your worst.

So, this is my plan. It's them or me. I became pretty ineffective last term as I was too washed out to work hard but not together enough to know that feeling guilty constantly was only contributing to the stress. My new year's ambition, and I say ambition not resolution as, lets face it that's what they are, is to pace myself. I am going to try doing what sensible teachers the world over are probably already doing. I am going to set myself hours, work as hard as I can during them and then stop. When I'm with my family I'm going to try and think about them and not work, I'm going to put away my computer at the designated time and let it go. Won't it be cool if it works. Does anybody have any experience of doing this. I'd love any top tips. Please share and let work life balance be a reality for us all. Happy new year beautiful people.
x

christmas craziness

Well here I am on Christmas Eve, more than replete after having just cooked for the in laws. Just received a nice comment about the blog which inspired me to write again.
I haven't written for a while. The intensity of the term was getting me down a little and I felt unable to face people even in a non confrontational cyber form. Thankfully the Christmas break brings a reprieve and time for a little reflection. Have been desperately wishing for more balance in my life and finding the constant slog both arduous and draining. My heart hasn't been in it as much as I would like. I desperately hope the new year brings more energy and super woman abilities to be everything to everybody including myself. Am I aiming too high?

Seasons greetings to one and all. I hope you don't get too overstuffed and have to spend January trying to undo untold damage. May the new year bring joy, happiness and contentment.

Menstrual psychosis

Today it happened. The moment every woman dreads. A lovely well meaning woman approached me smiling joyfully 'you're not are you, are you expecting?' Well as I am sure you have probably guessed by now. No I am not, nor intending to be and frankly, in my fragile, heavily menstruating swollen bellied emotionally fragile state this was indeed a bitter pill to swallow.

I really think that unless you are absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt certain, this is not the sort of question that should be asked. As now, I have to contend with oh my goodness I must be REALLY fat along with all the other little choice personality defects brought on fortnightly by the anticipation and arrival of my menses. At least I can console myself that with the pinnacle  of discomfort comes the light of hope of forthcoming normality and resumed energy levels and an ability to cope with life's challenges.

I started today by shouting unreasonable at my family, followed by discovering my car had a flat battery, but somehow through a miracle known only to the teaching profession I managed to spend a morning being calm, patient and generally quite pleasant to my class and workmates. As I crawled back into my house, the monster returned but has thankfully been placated by the love, sweetness and wine bringing qualities of my husband and the excitement of a new sofa. hurrah!!

Roll on  post menstrual energy and calm.

The night before the morning after.

Here we are, it's Sunday night again. I have successfully embarked on rowing and making up with my family, the weekly onslaught of washing, mess, tidying up, desperately trying to squeeze in a bit of quality time with children and husband and now here I am washed  ashore at the end of the weekend about to embark on the thrilling tasks of preparing for the week ahead at school. Wow weekends fly by. I can never quite decide if I like them or not. I spend all week desperately looking forward to the weekend when I can relax. I am clearly deluded that I live a different life. My weekends are indeed a change from the week, but relaxing they are not! The positive thing about this time in the week is that I usually find that against the odds I do feel more prepared spiritually, physically and emotiionally than I was in my battered, fragile state on friday night. I have of course also got that slight feeling of impending doom that seems to come with Sundays.

Anyway, what the hell, bring it on. If it's a tough week there is always next weekend to look forward to.

Swam again this week, perhaps I will become one of those people who exercise regularly after all.

Happy working week people. x

Monday morning grumpiness

I managed to pretty much agitate my entire family as I grumbled and grouched my way into Monday morning this week. After a reasonably successful week last week I was swamped this morning by the fear. The only thing that really got me into school bright and early this morning was the even greater fear that if i didn't get there fast I might not get there at all and if that happened I may never return. I do wonder how many people have only turned up on a Monday morning because they are terrified that the overwhelming urge just to crawl under the duvet and have a quiet breakdown might  kick in and take over.

Anyway the point is this. Inevitably, I did go to work and the reality is actually my day was ok. I felt a little tired and a bit sniffly, but hey, here I am on Monday night. I'm still alive, I made it through and in spite of my doubts I did ok. I guess I probably can make it through this week after all. But no promises for next Monday!

By the way made it to the swimming pool on Sunday. As I plunged through the water and the familiar rhythmic sound of breath and movement in the water gently lulled my twitchy brain I was forced to ask , Why have I not come for so long? I really hope I remember that when I'm persuading myself to go next week.

Happy week people, keep going and the monentum will gather and before we know it we'll be in that sweet short lived blissful moment on a Saturday when we realise it isn't a work day.

Rays of sunshine

What a pleasure to reach the end of Monday and feel strangely upbeat. In spite of nearly escaped children , tears and tantrums I kind of had fun learning all about the number 2 and the other sweet moments that make teachers keep dragging their emotionally battered behinds out of bed and into the classroom..

I think what really prompted my unusually sunny disposition on a Monday night was todays staff meeting. As I am sure anyone who teaches will know weekly staff meetings are sometimes  bit of a strain. Frankly at the end of a hard day with children what I prefer to do is have a little bit of down time hanging out in my classroom pottering about, not quite getting very much done and having a bit of a chat with lovely workmates. Monday staff meetings often force you to rush about, and then feel hideously exposed and inadequate as you discover there is something you should have done or know about and really you stopped paying attention for the important moment. This evening, however in amongst the usual business I just noticed what an incredibly lovely group of people I work with and felt really happy. There are always cycles in schools when teams seem to really gel and everyone gets on and inevitably when roles change and people leave etc it isn't always so shiny. However, today sat in that meeting I just thought, right here, right now I like and respect the people I work with and when I've had a crappy time in the classroom those people make it all ok. So thanks people!

Chatted to a friend today who is joining me on the introduce exercise into your life gently campaign, so my message to her is see you with your bike tomorrow. Tell me about your pledges to exercise or your shiny moments of sunshine and keep the positive thinking rolling.